Do they feel like your own?

  • Last Post 18 September 2019
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Trina posted this 18 September 2019

I've been trying for like two years to get pregnant with no luck.

We were talking about adoption the other day just in case fertility treatments don't work. I didn't want to say this to my DH but...

Do the kids you adopt feel like your own? 

I don't know anyone personally who has done this. Thanks.

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Brinn posted this 19 September 2019

I didn't adopt but my sister did. I will say my niece is 100% our family. My sister can't imagine her not being her daughter, if that makes any sense. 

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Leigh posted this 19 September 2019

I am curious too as to what it is like. From YouTube I can tell that for some people it feels divine and God ordained. 

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Andrea posted this 19 September 2019

Adoption is huge in my family. We've adopted three girls from China, my uncle was adopted domestically and my mother gave my brother up for adoption when she was young. We have a great relationship with him now. There's nothing about those little girls that don't feel like our own.

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Trina posted this 19 September 2019

These comments have put me at ease a little bit... I am going through with the fertility treatments but for some reason I just know they aren't going to work. I also feel as if I'm supposed to adopt, if that makes sense? This has just been hard. I just want to be a good mom, no matter how I get my babies.

Natalie posted this 19 September 2019

I know quite a few ppl who adopt. Their kids are fully loved as if they were biological. Even the siblings form a special bond

Ashley posted this 22 September 2019

This is what I am afraid about. We only have 3 more embryos left and I refuse to do another egg retrieval because I got so sick with the first one. If these 3 embryos dont "stick" then we are going to being foster parent classes so we can foster to adopt. I am so afraid I will look at this child like just a kid i am babysitting indefinitely. 

Nadia posted this 22 September 2019

I was a step child since age 7 and though I know my "Mom" ( not biological ) tried her best the chemistry felt off. I don't doubt that she loves me and I know she did a better job than some who have birthed their very own kids but I wanted to add another real dimension to the conversation. Some adoptions/step parenting situations will come with challenges and emotionally perplexing situations. Be prepared, go for counselling and get informed as opposed to facing the let down that will come from going in with rose tinted lenses.

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Hazel posted this 19 October 2019

I would suggest finding a local Foster & Adoptive Parent Association and really connect with your local foster and adoptive families. The big thing is not approaching it like it's your Plan B. Some people do, and as a result, make the kids in foster care feel like a consolation prize. I used to work in Foster Home Licensing, and now have many people I consider dear friends who I worked with who have gone on to adopt. And yes, they are just as fiercely protective of their babies as I am of mine that I birthed. But that's not everybody. Unfortunately, we also saw our fair share of adoptions result in abandonment because the parents decided they didn't want to have to deal with the challenges that come with adopting a child out of the foster care system (quite common once the teen years roll around).

As Nadia pointed out above, if you are adopting (especially from the foster care system) you could be signing up for long-term challenges, and you need to be 100% certain that you can commit to advocating and meeting that child's needs as you would a child you gave birth to. Everybody I know that has adopted has dealt with/is currently dealing with some type of medical issue, developmental delay, emotional delay, chemical exposure, etc. This may not be the same if you are able to afford a private adoption. If you really want to get a feel for whether or not adoption is right for you and your family, the best way to do that is to talk to those who are currently living it in your community. They will also be familiar with the agencies you need to talk with.

Jane posted this 31 October 2019

Great discussion.  I have been thinking about what adoption would feel like.  Maybe I don't want it bad enough but shying away as life as sort of taken over - jobs, career, time with spouse, the life we have built together.  It short of feels like maybe it's not in the cards, but then again there IS this option. Thank you for sharing. 

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Rachael posted this 05 November 2019

This thread really opened my eyes on the issue. I am 30 and we are thinking of trying for baby number one.  I wanted to read this just to see what the thoughts and perspectives are on adoption.  There are some great perspectives here that I never even thought of. Wow!

Satin posted this 05 November 2019

I didn't adopt them, but I love my step kids like my own. There is no difference in the love I feel for them, my son, and the kids I lost. Even though I missed a large portion of their lives, I feel like I've known them as long. If your heart is open, I wouldn't worry about a thing 💝

JJ posted this 24 November 2019

Look at it this way: do you love your husband with all of your heart and soul? He is not a blood relative and yet you love him like your own. That means you can love an adopted child like your own, too.

Violet posted this 14 February 2020

Yes. You will form a bond that is just as miraculous and special if you adopt a baby. Motherhood is beautifully chaotic in so many ways, and regardless of how you become a mom, you'll get to enjoy and embrace that beautiful chaos just the same! Best of luck to you mama!

Jamie posted this 14 February 2020

I can't wait to adopt. The answer of this question is really up to you. For me, yes. But I have a soft heart and love easy. Really think about it and maybe do some therapy sessions with your husband over the issue. Good luck! 

Krista posted this 03 March 2020

Anyone can feel like family if you choose to include them in your heart as such. I know a lot of adoptive families and there's nothing you could tell the parent's that would make them feel like the kids aren't their own!

Vanessa posted this 12 March 2020

I haven't adopted but I do wonder if I was to ever adopt, would they love me unconditionally?

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Harper posted this 13 March 2020

I'm so scared of carrying a child that I really want to push for adoption. This is one of the concerns I have too and I know my husband will bring it up. I think I would b more grateful for a child I adopted and the love would grow and multiply from there.

Allie posted this 13 March 2020

We have a family member whose adopted. They are not any different than anyone else in our family. My grandparents said they raised him just like the rest and loved him unconditionally. He is now a bit of an odd bird but that was at his own doing. I would think that as long as you open your heart to them unconditionally, it should not be any different. A friend of mine adopted a little guy she fostered from birth and she couldn't love him more if she birthed him.

heather posted this 14 March 2020

This is so true! You can feel loved by anyone and you can love anyone you choose!

Anyone can feel like family if you choose to include them in your heart as such. I know a lot of adoptive families and there's nothing you could tell the parent's that would make them feel like the kids aren't their own!